Today I was reading a book, and there I encountered this phrase –
It is not the question of whose mistake it is in a relationship
It is a question of whose life!
Instead of accepting yourself as you are and expecting the world to change,
Accept the world as it is and you start changing your approach towards the world.
Let life be beautiful because of the world.
Let life be beautiful ‘in spite’ of the world.
Inspired from this, I am somehow motivated to post this on my blog –
Sometimes I wonder why God created two different kinds of human – male and female (Kindly excuse me for excluding the third kind. I am considering the two natural forms of human beings here). Not only just God created these two different forms, but also made them so peculiar in their own ways, like, their body formation, their way of thinking, their way of talking, their organs ranging from their brains to their voice, basically making them two visibly distinct creatures. More than often, males don’t like women for some reason or the other, and similarly females don’t like males for some reason or the other. Though, their distinct nature attracts them to the opposite sex in order to make them complete. Hence, I come to a conclusion that existence has purposefully created man and woman distinct, and a little incomplete so that they can embrace each other and make it complete.
Now, in order to make oneself complete, they seek the company of other and hence a term called ‘relationship’ is coined. This ‘relationship’ has many forms – boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife (considering only the brave ‘relationship’ :P ). As, we know since world came into existence, this ‘relationship’ has existed, and centuries of conditioning has given the terms males and females a very narrow connotation, which invariably has shrunk the scope of this ‘relationship’.
Now the question arises, what keeps this relationship going? I believe dropping the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’, and resolve to be ‘friends for lifetime’. (though these words should be replaced with ‘husband’ and ‘wife’, but considering my little experience of the world, and no experience of these ‘heavy’ words, I prefer maintaining a distance from these words for the time being). It is when both the man and woman will sometimes play a cranky kid, then the mentor, the teacher, the lover, the caretaker, the friend, the mother, sometimes the father, and last but not the least, ‘the mirror’, and of course sometimes partners too. One must expand the definition of this relationship and keep it open.
Dignity in a ‘relationship’ is found when one relates to her spouse as a complete individual, and not just the physical appearance. Observe each other’s way of thinking, discuss personal values, standpoints and convictions; get sensitized to each other’s feelings, develop emotional compatibility and take time to sit together in quietude to develop spiritual connectivity. In short, one must respect the entirety of the person and relate to the ‘whole’ person and not just the guard period of the burst (In communication systems, guard period is the peripheral aspect of data).
One mistake, which usually people do in their relation is that they try to do everything, invariably ending in doing in an year, what should have been done in ten years. They try to do in one month, what should have been done in an year. Most relationships fall all over each other, overdo everything within first few months and then, therefore, is no life ledt in the relationship. Eventually, they coexist in a dead relationship. One usually forgets to apply the idea that a relationship is ought to be a tree, and shouldn’t die as a plant. Hence, I believe one must take it slow, and make it long.
The other mistake, which one usually does unknowingly is, he forgets that it is present which forms the building blocks. As in life, in a good relationship, the past is irrelevant. Yes, I agree, the future is significant, for that is something, where the two of them would travel together. I believe discussing day to day trifles and experiences will ‘only’ make one fall in love with other. Rather talk future, talk dreams, talk ambitions, and resolve to play a part in each other’s growth in a very objective and interference free arena. And that is the true and real way to ‘grow’ in love.
There is an universal concept that once in relation, both lives superimpose on each other, and there is only one life to love from thereon. But the fact is much after YOUR life and MY life has become OUR life, there is still my life and your life. ‘Our’ life is that intersecting space called ‘relationship’. Happiness in a relation usually depends on how both relate in ‘our’ space and how this space keeps growing with time. However, he will continue to have his life, and she will continue to have her life. In fact, she is at her best in ‘our space aka relationship, when she goes to ‘her’ space, and then comes to ‘our’ space, and same is true with him. But keeping this in mind will ensure that you respect each other’s space, each other’s individual likes, dislikes and priorities. If she likes Chinese cuisines, it is not necessary that he has to adapt himself to her tastes. He can order what he wants to, and she can order what she wants to, without interfering in each other’s space.
Hence, this would ensure that you donot suffocate each other in the name of ‘love’.
Relationship, in its true sense, should improve the quality of life of both involved. It should be a continuity of life, magnifying the possibilities for both.
A good relationship has to be nurtured and developed. Building a great relationship is an art, so get artistic.
