Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment

Today, while I was checking the news feed on my facebook account, I liked a quote put by my boss, a very experienced and classy human, which reads as - Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. This quote took me to deep thoughts and I decided to write a post on this.
Now, tell me friends, we keep on encountering some experience or other in life, but have we ever noticed that our maturity is always one leg below every new experience? What is the purpose of life’s experiences? Well, I believe it is to give us maturity, and with each experience it is not just the bar of our maturity which gets raised a little, but also, the bar of challenges we face gets raised. Invariably, goes the upward growth bar of life.
It is really immaterial how knowledgeable we are and we become, or how much of life we have seen, or if we are the best in whatever we do – even if we are an encyclopedia on life and human psychology…. A fall, a trip , a slump is always round the corner. Life always intrudes and obstruct the flow, the rhythm….
Isnt a failure in the tenth standard higher than a pass in eighth standard? A just miss in an attempt to scale Mount Everest is still a leg higher than making it to the top of the local hill. A failure in decoding 100th burst of communication data is higher than decoding previous bursts with acceptable accuracy. Hence, we can conclude that higher the maturity, the higher the challenge. And that’s how life modulates man.
Life’s journey shouldn’t be taken as a journey of going two steps forward and one step backwards. Have you ever thought why it happens in life? I believe the sole culprit of such kind of a life is lack of awareness… lack of learning from his/her experiences. A man whose awareness coaches him to learn from every experience lives as though he is on a roller coaster. He rises to fall and falls to rise… but the rise after every fall is even higher (I have experienced it in my personal as well as professional life).. And hence, both his maturity and the level of his challenges are raised to next higher leg.
Now let us dissect the heading of the post – What is the reason for your success? “Good decisions” and what enables you to make good decisions? “Life’s experiences.” How do you gain life’s experiences? “Bad decisions”
On the roller coaster of life’s experiences, I keep growing experience by experience. Every experience either gives me what I want, or it gives me the awareness – why I didn’t get what I want.
The next time a setback disturbs our centeredness…. Just remember…. Life has sent a teacher, disguised as experience, to help raise the bars of our maturity. Let our awareness help us to not only mature out of that experience, but also regain our centeredness. Get ready for a higher challenge.

We mortals have to fall to rise…. The blessing being that we always rise a little higher.

Most important thing in life

Before you start reading this post, kindly recollect and remember of the most important and dearest THING in your life. One THING, which is more important than your own life, or one thing which if you loose, would certainly bring tears to your eyes. Once you have done that, please read on.....

What is the reason of our limitations? The fact that ‘We Don’t” and not “We can’t”
It actually doesn’t matter how much we have, but what really matters is what we can do with what we have. We cannot do much to change what we have, but we can certainly change the way we use what we have. In short, a pawn, if used well, will become the queen.
I would like to start with a real life experience. When I was allowed to get the car from home the first time, I was really very excited. The morning, I was scheduled to take the car all alone to Gurgaon, my dad first handed over the keys, then a bag with all necessary documents, including my driving license which he asked from me a day before, and followed it up with a long hug and a kiss on my cheeks.
I thanked him with a kiss and I was out with my dad’s auto baby. As I entered Delhi, hardly 100Kms from my place, I hit a traffic police motorcycle. I was safe, but the mudguard of the car was dented. I was consumed with guilt, “What will I tell him? Will he ever give me car again?” Thoughts and feelings ran amok. The police man was quick to ask for license and papers of the car. My hands still shivering, I reached for the pouch that my dad had given me. With tears in my heart, as I picked the license from the pouch, I noticed a hand written note on it in my dad’s handwriting, “Son! In case of an accident or breaking of rules, please remember, it is YOU that I love and not the car. Loving you”
Blessed are those people who have understood that they should be loving people and using things, and not using people and loving things.
A scratch on the car makes our blood pressure go up… but we don’t seem to mind a scratch in our heart. I know of a human who broke a precious showpiece intentionally by throwing it on the floor and then remarked, “For 20 years it has been giving me tension – if it breaks, if it falls down… I thought it was time to show who the real boss is and to gain some peace of mind.” I know of a person who gave party because he broke up with his dear girlfriend. He explained, “Though the relationship is completed screwed up, I learnt some lessons of life and now am free to lead a hassle free and peaceful life.” I know one more man who gave a party because his car was rammed and jammed in an accident. He explained, “Though the car is completely damaged, nothing happened to me, who was inside the car. Now that I am fine, I can buy another car, but if the car was intact and I was gone, it wouldn’t have made much sense.”
Our life began with a 100Rs toy car. When it broke we cried. Then we upgraded ourselves to a 2000Rs remote control car. When that got damaged, we wept. Then we got a 50000Rs bike, followed by a 4 lakh car, after that the 18 lakh SUV…… and everytime something happened to the machine, whether a scratch, a dent, or any malfunction, the mercury of our tensions and worries went up. All in all, it seems, our toys have grown, but we haven’t. What we cry for has changed, but the crying is still on. Just that our crying is more sophisticated now. It was many new names like anger, disappointment, frustration, stress, revenge, anxiety, etc…..
Toys are there to entertain us. Toys have only one purpose, to be useful to us. From your house, to your sofa, to your bike and everything else…. Everything exists to make your life more comfortable, and that is the point we miss on.
WE are bigger that every THING we own. WE are more precious that every THING we possess. WE are more important than every THING that has come in our life.
A toy is just a toy. Buy toys. Buy more and more toys. But give them their rightful place. They are just there to be useful to us, to make our life more comfortable and to entertain us. I would recommend you not to ever waste another drop of your precious tears for a toy, no matter how dear the toy may be to you.
After all, YOU are the dearest of them all. :)

The greatest gift of life

Before you start reading this post, please think in mind of one greatest gift you have got in/from your life... Now when you have recollected it, and the emotions attached to it.. please go ahead and read the post.....

I have always wanted a relationship in which I don’t have to explain myself. For me, nothing is more tiring than to constantly explain myself. For me, as everyone, emotional tiredness drains me far more than physical tiredness. So, the search has always been for that one relationship in which I could enjoy the freedom of trust, where I don’t have to explain everything about me.
I have always needed a relationship in which I wont be held against myself. I know, I have my strengths, and also I have my shortcomings. The search has always been for that one relationship in which my lesser side would not have been provoked and instigated constantly. I have always wanted that one relationship in which my positives would have always been brought to surface.
I have always wanted a relationship in which my today would not be viewed with the mistakes I had made yesterday. Being human, I am also bound to err every now and then. I have always wanted someone who wont maintain a database of my mistakes. The search has been for that relationship where yesterday’s fight wont add noise to today’s communication…. Where yesterday would be over yesterday.
I have always needed a relationship in which it isn’t me who would have to take the initiative all the time. I have always needed a relationship where I can be transparent. I have always needed a relationship in which I wont have to alter my likes and dislikes to gain and retain the relationship. I have always wanted a relationship in which my self image is not scratched. I have always need a relationship in which I am not asked to be anyone else. I have needed a relationship in which I feel completely myself.. rather even more than when I am with my own self.
I have needed that one relationship in which I feel as though I am once again in my mother’s womb… a relationship in which my heart always feels… just born.
Oh my friends! If you already have one such relationship… please go down on your knees in gratitude, for there cannot be a greater gift from life. Such a relationship is life’s greatest gift.
If you don’t have one, please don’t despair. Don’t you know, once He said from the mountain top – “Do unto others what you want others do unto you”? Can you be that one to someone else? Gift yourself into someone’s life. Love someone so completely that you make yourself worthy of someone’s ‘greatest gift’.

People feel your love not by what you are with them, but by what they can be with you.
In the presence and fragrance of your love, let your beloved blossom.

Defining 'relationship'

Today I was reading a book, and there I encountered this phrase –

It is not the question of whose mistake it is in a relationship
It is a question of whose life!
Instead of accepting yourself as you are and expecting the world to change,
Accept the world as it is and you start changing your approach towards the world.
Let life be beautiful because of the world.
Let life be beautiful ‘in spite’ of the world.

Inspired from this, I am somehow motivated to post this on my blog –

Sometimes I wonder why God created two different kinds of human – male and female (Kindly excuse me for excluding the third kind. I am considering the two natural forms of human beings here). Not only just God created these two different forms, but also made them so peculiar in their own ways, like, their body formation, their way of thinking, their way of talking, their organs ranging from their brains to their voice, basically making them two visibly distinct creatures. More than often, males don’t like women for some reason or the other, and similarly females don’t like males for some reason or the other. Though, their distinct nature attracts them to the opposite sex in order to make them complete. Hence, I come to a conclusion that existence has purposefully created man and woman distinct, and a little incomplete so that they can embrace each other and make it complete.
Now, in order to make oneself complete, they seek the company of other and hence a term called ‘relationship’ is coined. This ‘relationship’ has many forms – boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife (considering only the brave ‘relationship’ :P ). As, we know since world came into existence, this ‘relationship’ has existed, and centuries of conditioning has given the terms males and females a very narrow connotation, which invariably has shrunk the scope of this ‘relationship’.
Now the question arises, what keeps this relationship going? I believe dropping the words ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’, and resolve to be ‘friends for lifetime’. (though these words should be replaced with ‘husband’ and ‘wife’, but considering my little experience of the world, and no experience of these ‘heavy’ words, I prefer maintaining a distance from these words for the time being). It is when both the man and woman will sometimes play a cranky kid, then the mentor, the teacher, the lover, the caretaker, the friend, the mother, sometimes the father, and last but not the least, ‘the mirror’, and of course sometimes partners too. One must expand the definition of this relationship and keep it open.
Dignity in a ‘relationship’ is found when one relates to her spouse as a complete individual, and not just the physical appearance. Observe each other’s way of thinking, discuss personal values, standpoints and convictions; get sensitized to each other’s feelings, develop emotional compatibility and take time to sit together in quietude to develop spiritual connectivity. In short, one must respect the entirety of the person and relate to the ‘whole’ person and not just the guard period of the burst (In communication systems, guard period is the peripheral aspect of data).
One mistake, which usually people do in their relation is that they try to do everything, invariably ending in doing in an year, what should have been done in ten years. They try to do in one month, what should have been done in an year. Most relationships fall all over each other, overdo everything within first few months and then, therefore, is no life ledt in the relationship. Eventually, they coexist in a dead relationship. One usually forgets to apply the idea that a relationship is ought to be a tree, and shouldn’t die as a plant. Hence, I believe one must take it slow, and make it long.
The other mistake, which one usually does unknowingly is, he forgets that it is present which forms the building blocks. As in life, in a good relationship, the past is irrelevant. Yes, I agree, the future is significant, for that is something, where the two of them would travel together. I believe discussing day to day trifles and experiences will ‘only’ make one fall in love with other. Rather talk future, talk dreams, talk ambitions, and resolve to play a part in each other’s growth in a very objective and interference free arena. And that is the true and real way to ‘grow’ in love.
There is an universal concept that once in relation, both lives superimpose on each other, and there is only one life to love from thereon. But the fact is much after YOUR life and MY life has become OUR life, there is still my life and your life. ‘Our’ life is that intersecting space called ‘relationship’. Happiness in a relation usually depends on how both relate in ‘our’ space and how this space keeps growing with time. However, he will continue to have his life, and she will continue to have her life. In fact, she is at her best in ‘our space aka relationship, when she goes to ‘her’ space, and then comes to ‘our’ space, and same is true with him. But keeping this in mind will ensure that you respect each other’s space, each other’s individual likes, dislikes and priorities. If she likes Chinese cuisines, it is not necessary that he has to adapt himself to her tastes. He can order what he wants to, and she can order what she wants to, without interfering in each other’s space.
Hence, this would ensure that you donot suffocate each other in the name of ‘love’.
Relationship, in its true sense, should improve the quality of life of both involved. It should be a continuity of life, magnifying the possibilities for both.

A good relationship has to be nurtured and developed. Building a great relationship is an art, so get artistic. 

I am I because YOU are YOU

Since my birth, I am trying to understand the surroundings, the world, the air, the water, the people that surrounds me or to be put in simpler words – I am trying to recognize you directly as well as indirectly.
Now the question arises, how? When I was young, I was modulated by you to behave in a particular manner,, to react in a prescribed manner. You are the one who told me that I can run but I cant fly. You are certainly not ‘Morpheous’ of matrix who would have made me believe that I can even fly – it has been you who has made me believe and even restrict my capabilities. And as told by you, I never went a step ahead of those explained and trusted abilities and capabilities. If I talk in terms of communication system, you added white and colored noise to me (the signal) and later on, even whitened me to make me noise free but, alas, you couldn’t reconstruct me with 100% accuracy even when you adhered to Nyquist rate (Sampling Theorem).
You taught me so many things – walking, dancing, ‘bakar’, driving, maths, DSP, cooking, and lots more. You have now influenced me to an extent that you have now become a part of my life. You made me what I am today. Sometimes you were my parent, sometimes brother, sometimes sister, sometimes relative, sometimes friend, sometimes enemy, sometimes mentor and played a lot of roles in my life.
There have been times, when I felt like discovering more about myself, making your presence insignificant for me, when I wanted to listen to my inner self, but always, you stood in my way to become Neo of the matrix. You always returned everything I tried to believe and do while hiding those things from you. You have many a times, created circumstances that I reluctantly followed you in order to survive, and at other times, in a void attempt to be a part of you, accepted the things offered by you, even when I knew that you were not always a signal, most of the times you have been noise. But I agreed to mingle with you, invariably incompetent to any receiver to process me and take information out of me. You have processed me to an extent that now even when I wish to turn to signal, I cant, and would have to live as noise.
But lately, I have been successful to minimize your effect and to find a receiver which can process me successfully and turn me back to ‘a’ signal, which I have always wanted. My dream to be able to say one day, that yes, I am I because I am I, seems realizable. What I have to do is to stop considering you, but would you ever allow me to do that?
Even when you are not present physically, you are present in my thoughts, sometimes clipping, and at other times strengthening my wings. Even if through some techniques like meditation, I am able to get over you, you start affecting me in other forms – some material thoughts, a non living object and worst, divine force.
Hence, you have always been around, and shaped me in the way I am, and for this very noble reason, I thank you from the core of my heart – YOU are the one who made me what I am – It is because of you that I love myself and appreciate my surroundings, and therefore I love you more than anything and even myself.

Finally I will like to close with a thought –
I don’t believe that I am I because You are You,
rather, I know that,
I am I because You are You.



I am what I am

Some days back I attended training on ‘attitude’ at my office. It talked about positive thinking, assertiveness, outlook towards things, and hurdles to positive thinking. In the course of helping us identify these traits, the instructor told us that we should always do what we wish to do, and not what others want us to do. The logic is simple – the more we do what we wish to, the happier we are, and in turn we develop a positive thinking and confidence.
Now this one liner forced me to drift in the thoughts and do a self analysis. And now I believe, I have found the reason to lack of confidence and negative approach (for some time in my life). I actually started living for others. It became difficult for me most of the times to say a simple no to people I care for. And hence, I restrained myself from being assertive. I got hurt many a times, some people started taking me for granted and in order to keep my relationships going, I made excuses but never said no. At times I let people get away with some really bad things they did to me. Is it my fault if I am sensitive? Or am I wrong when I don’t say anything to people I care for, when they don’t behave properly? Yes, probably, I am wrong here.
When I was out of my so called bad times, I changed myself unknowingly again to the previous Anuj. ‘No’ started to coming more naturally to my lips. I started living ‘my’ life where room for others driving me was little. Where I was lot more confident than before and was lot more tactful in dealing people. Where I stopped showing excessive care to people I really care for. Though, I agree, unlike before, I am not that liked by many, I am not the sweetheart of many, I hurt some people I care for, but ultimately, the things and the people I care for, are not confused. Probably this attitude would bring me near to people who really like me and push me farther from people who just like my fake and sweet words. But true, it gives me a lot more satisfying and positive feeling. At the end of the day, when you go to bed with a realization that you were able to do what you want, you feel happy.
There is a difference in approach as well – Until last year, I tried making people around me happy, and now, I try to make myself happy. Yes, it sounds selfish. But the latter approach doesn’t mean I make people around me unhappy, just that instead of being empty from inside, I try to enlighten myself from within.
I have seen a change in attitude of many people towards me since I started bringing this change, and concluded that some people came closer and some went out of sight as I expected. But does it really matter? The answer is no.
This positive energy has helped me become a stronger and happier person within. I feel like taking more and more challenges in life. And I have started feeling the magic of the quote – If you believe you can, you will. When I reflect certain things I achieved lately, I feel proud and laugh at myself for not counting and trusting them earlier. Someone rightly said – No goal is too far, till you try for it.
I am in the process of saying to myself one day – To hell with world. I won’t take any shit you will give me. And dare you give me shit, it will bounce back on you with even higher velocity. But again, am I not thinking of the world? Yes, rightly said, ultimately, this is the feeling I need to get rid of. There is still a lot to achieve and improve on. There are many gaps which I need to fill. There is a lot to do before I seek complete peace in the world around me.
And then I was woken up from my dreams by my instructor in the training and we were required to write an essay, which I will share with you in my next post. Till then, I would like you also to think on it – ‘I am I because you are you.’

A nice topic indeed.

Random Thoughts : Broaden your vision for being successful personally and professionally :)

The day started with a thought in my mind - "Whether children are artist? And can we maintain that ‘artistic’ thing in our lives?”
I have always thought of being a successful person in life. And what does being successful mean? Is it lot of money, gold? Is it inner satisfaction? Is it power? Is it recognition? Is it being ideal for many? Yes, it means all. For me success meant to make my family and the ones I love and care for, really happy. And since childhood, I always tried to make them happy... somehow or the other... I got good marks for them, I stood by them, I made them proud, and did everything which, I think, could have made them happy. But, then I realised, it is not good marks, it is not because I try to make them happy, they are happy. But they are happy because we are family. Now, with this thought, knowing that my family is already happy because of me, I started trying to make my relatives, friends, and a couple of people who meant more than friends to me, happy. And in due course, I did everything. I gave them gifts, I stood by them, I did all those crappy things, I did things I myself disliked, and much more than that.
And to realise what? At the end of the day, the people who matter to me most, are no longer with me. Why? Because in due course of making them happy, attimes, I wasnt true to myself. I faked for what I wasnt. In order to be successful I tried everything. I learnt how to lie, I became shrewd, I started hiding some information, and even found myself at places which I didnt belong to. It is not that I am upset or am guilty for what I did. Everyone does... And so did I....
An instance here..
People think what Mayawati did infront of the nation by engrossing herself in that 1000 Rs vampire 'necklace' . Was it wastage of money? Or was it just flaunting of money? Or was it being very irresponsible. For some, it was a mere show of money. Some think, it is her money, whatever she does to it, it is on her will. How can anyone interfere in that? And for others, it was right as it was frustration and to show the advent of lower castes who were behaved like animals for last few centuries. They suffered a lot, and now they are showing that they own more than the people who ruled them for long. huh... Dont know who is wrong and who is right. The deeper you think taking any side, the more accurate you find it.
Some believe Lalu did wrong. But for others, Lalu just uprooted the higher caste people and ended the era of rajputs. Yes, he did something right to an extent, but the point is did he really do it for the cause? or was his personal benefit attached to it?
The point I am trying to make here is not the politics or who is wrong or right. But what makes us think that a particular thing is right or wrong.
It is clearly the vision.... The broader vision we have, the more rational we are, and more we behave like children.
I believe a new born kid is the one who has really got a wide vision.
Now the question is what is vision?
Well in the first para, I was pointing out why I failed in making my dear ones happy? It is because my vision is narrow. I am able to think of short term happiness, or pleasing them for a particular thing. Why cant, why can’t I modulate myself in such a manner that I start behaving in the manner, which makes everyone around me happy without actually trying to make them happy. Why cant I be like a 4 yr old kid who speaks his heart out? Yes, I agree, if I become that true, that innocent, that straight forward and kind, it will be difficult for me to live in this cruel world. But, knowing everything and behaving in a true manner is really different from behaving truly without knowing anything. And that is what a kid need to learn.
I will give you an instance here. When I came for my schooling to Delhi in +1, I was really very simple and true guy. Not updated with the world. My seniors asked me to give 10 abuses to a fan. And I was like... Doggy, donkey, pig, swine, bull, etc etc.... and there i saw... everyone laughing @ me.... making my fun... the senior slapped me... and instructed me to learn 10 different abuses in 1 night. And there started a change in me. I believe, in those 2 years, I changed like anything. I learnt how to deal with this cruel world. How to be cruel? But alas... world was more cruel than I thought. People whom I trusted, whom I relied, whom I loved, ditched me... and ditched me for some strange reasons.... and why were they able to? Because my vision is narrow.
Now, broader vision doesn’t mean, not knowing the abuses.. or not knowing about the world. It just means, know everything, but be true. Keep yourself rooted to your beliefs. Think in a broader perspective. Speak your heart out. Now it doesnt mean speak anything that may hurt another person.. which I started doing once I realized I need to speak my heart out. Rather it is what differentiates you from being an animal.
E.g. You are in a meeting. You didn’t like what your boss said. You fume, and fight with your boss. Is it right? No... Rather my point here is. Modulate yourself to behave in a manner that doesnt hurt anyone but you speak out the truth. Means, you don’t have to control your feelings, your anger.. you just start behaving that ways… It is simply like being a kid. The kid cries when he doesnt like anything.. but doesnt hurt anyone.

Having a broader vision is certainly a very difficult thing to acquire. But once you do, everyone around you will be happy. You will be successful in true sense. And satisfaction, money, power and love from all will follow you.
In pursuit of success, we do everything. But I believe, the only thing, we need to do is broaden our vision and not controlling our feelings… Just modulating ourselves to behave rationally in all the situations 

I am trying to do it, and I am feeling the change :)