I am what I am

Some days back I attended training on ‘attitude’ at my office. It talked about positive thinking, assertiveness, outlook towards things, and hurdles to positive thinking. In the course of helping us identify these traits, the instructor told us that we should always do what we wish to do, and not what others want us to do. The logic is simple – the more we do what we wish to, the happier we are, and in turn we develop a positive thinking and confidence.
Now this one liner forced me to drift in the thoughts and do a self analysis. And now I believe, I have found the reason to lack of confidence and negative approach (for some time in my life). I actually started living for others. It became difficult for me most of the times to say a simple no to people I care for. And hence, I restrained myself from being assertive. I got hurt many a times, some people started taking me for granted and in order to keep my relationships going, I made excuses but never said no. At times I let people get away with some really bad things they did to me. Is it my fault if I am sensitive? Or am I wrong when I don’t say anything to people I care for, when they don’t behave properly? Yes, probably, I am wrong here.
When I was out of my so called bad times, I changed myself unknowingly again to the previous Anuj. ‘No’ started to coming more naturally to my lips. I started living ‘my’ life where room for others driving me was little. Where I was lot more confident than before and was lot more tactful in dealing people. Where I stopped showing excessive care to people I really care for. Though, I agree, unlike before, I am not that liked by many, I am not the sweetheart of many, I hurt some people I care for, but ultimately, the things and the people I care for, are not confused. Probably this attitude would bring me near to people who really like me and push me farther from people who just like my fake and sweet words. But true, it gives me a lot more satisfying and positive feeling. At the end of the day, when you go to bed with a realization that you were able to do what you want, you feel happy.
There is a difference in approach as well – Until last year, I tried making people around me happy, and now, I try to make myself happy. Yes, it sounds selfish. But the latter approach doesn’t mean I make people around me unhappy, just that instead of being empty from inside, I try to enlighten myself from within.
I have seen a change in attitude of many people towards me since I started bringing this change, and concluded that some people came closer and some went out of sight as I expected. But does it really matter? The answer is no.
This positive energy has helped me become a stronger and happier person within. I feel like taking more and more challenges in life. And I have started feeling the magic of the quote – If you believe you can, you will. When I reflect certain things I achieved lately, I feel proud and laugh at myself for not counting and trusting them earlier. Someone rightly said – No goal is too far, till you try for it.
I am in the process of saying to myself one day – To hell with world. I won’t take any shit you will give me. And dare you give me shit, it will bounce back on you with even higher velocity. But again, am I not thinking of the world? Yes, rightly said, ultimately, this is the feeling I need to get rid of. There is still a lot to achieve and improve on. There are many gaps which I need to fill. There is a lot to do before I seek complete peace in the world around me.
And then I was woken up from my dreams by my instructor in the training and we were required to write an essay, which I will share with you in my next post. Till then, I would like you also to think on it – ‘I am I because you are you.’

A nice topic indeed.